I’m not Dick Cheney cranky but I have my moments. My daughter calls them my cranky old lady moments. That used to make me cranky but I actually now cherish my cranky old lady moments because mostly it is me getting pissed off because someone is stupid, inconsiderate, and totally in selfish jerk mode. It’s not me it’s them and writing about them is my way to release some of the negative energy thoughtless people induces in me.
Cell Phone Hell
Is it necessary to board a train at 7 in the morning on your cell phone crying about your boyfriend dumping you? I mean REALLY where is your self-esteem? I understand you are hurt, you and Mike spent three years together and you thought engagement was looming but then out of the blue he dumps you for no apparent reason. I know all this because you are speaking at a decibel of seven and I’m actually three rows behind you. Your tears don’t make me feel sorry for you because I was just drifting into a relaxing nod, so now my fire is up and all I want to do is grab your phone and tell you to STFU its seven in the damn morning, it was probably this behavior of wanting to talk before the sun was up that drove Mike away!
How do you Manage?
OMG you have three children, a husband, work, soccer, and tennis, blah, blah, blah. It is so hectic in the morning you can’t even iron your clothes or brush your hair. You almost miss the train everyday because you are always rushing. OMG how do you manage it all? You know what; I really don’t give a rat’s ass. It’s seven o’clock in the morning and you look like shit and you are practically bragging about it. You REALLY didn’t have enough time to run the iron over those pants or to brush your hair? I bet your husband was happy to see you off. I’ve been on that ship but now I’m on a smaller boat and trust me I never left for work looking like I just crawled from under the bed. Your talking loud about how busy you are does not bring sympathy but make me wonder if you washed thoroughly. So please STFU and get your clothes together the night before (IRON THEM) and take a brush and pull your hair back into a simple ponytail. I mean, really you couldn’t even brush your hair?
I love babies. I had three of my own and I took them everywhere so I’m not saying keep your children hidden but do you have to stroll them around in carriages bigger than a mini-cooper? There’s no law against it but do practice some common courtesy is all I ask. Could you possibly park the damn thing when you have to go into CVS or Walgreens? Those monstrosities take up a whole aisle. No one else can get by and when I sigh loudly because I have to go up another aisle just to get into the one you are blocking with your caddy you get offended. Look lady, I’m on my lunch break and I just ran in here to get some incidentals for my desk and I don’t have time to walk all around the aisles while you and three-month old Jack take up a block. Those things are just obnoxious. I mean REALLY!