When there is Abuse

You should have stopped him way before he got to this point

Gilda-For Colored Girls

I have never been in a physically abusive relationship. I have never cowered in fear because of a dinner served cold, a misspoken word, or because my dress was not the one he liked. It pains me when I see abuse in film but it is a necessary evil that we see and learn.

I have often wondered why and how women stay. I can’t imagine a fear so crippling that I can’t move, can’t cry for help, or just pick up a bottle and fight back, but I know there is fear just like that in the world. In for Colored Girls Phylicia Rashad spoke the most heart wrenching words I have ever heard in the movies about abuse-You should have stopped him way before it got to this point.  The ‘point’ being before he hurt your children.

Many women stand by in fear while their husbands or boyfriends terrorize their entire household-cursing, hitting, traumatizing the weakest people in the home-the babies. In 2010 is it still so hard to walk away from a ‘man’ so weak that he would do the most horrific things to your child? About a year ago there was a case here in RI (even though they are numerous all over the country) where a woman let her boyfriend beat her three-year old son to death. She was at work and claimed she didn’t know he was abusing the boy yet there were other incidents of severe physical abuse. Hmmmmm. Was she in fear when she left her child with this monster when she went off to work? Of course he didn’t have a job. The state charged her for her role of neglect in protecting her own child. There was little outrage at her being charged and rightfully so in my opinion.

You have to take responsibility for your role in this

Are  you saying this is my fault?

You have to take responsibility

That scene broke my heart but it was the most beautiful scene, the most humbling of words to a woman who stood by and suffered the greatest loss I could ever imagine because she did nothing.

When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time-Maya Angelou

I don’t have an answer for abuse other than to run and run fast away from it, if not for yourself but for the child that rested in your belly peacefully for nine months. For the child who, no matter how rich or poor you are, looks at you like  you are a superhero. Be a superhero.


2 thoughts on “When there is Abuse

  1. Watching this scene sent shivers up and down my spine. This woman was in so much pain, she lived in it daily it was visible everytime she was shown on screen yet for some reason she stayed in this loveless relationship…

    I was heartbroken watching what was left of her heart destroyed by the man she did not know how to leave…


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