I H8 Text Speak

Please and Thank you


I thought it was just me till my friend from across the ocean emailed me this rant. He cleaned it up for me to post here but it does not lose its point…or hilarity!

I am a reasonable man, most of the time, and it takes a lot to provoke me to anger. However, one thing guaranteed to send me into a paroxysm of splenetic fury, is text speak. Oh, how I loathe it, and I wish paralysis of the thumbs on those who use it. English is a rich and beautiful language. It doesn’t deserve to be reduced to lines of gibberish that can only be deciphered if you have access to the Rosetta Stone.

 Yesterday morning, my wife posted the following on a popular social networking site:

 Why oh why did I have to lose an hours sleep when I am the tiredest person in the whole world this morning?

  To which her friend — a fully grown up, adult woman with two young children — replied (complete with the spurious capital letter):

 get a lge cuppa dwn u and u’ll b top of the Morning mun x

 Now, a casual observer could glance at the above and assume it’s written in Welsh, given the Welsh language’s unique use of the letters W, U and double Ls. Add to that the friend is Welsh, and it becomes a reasonable assumption. However, the reply is not in Welsh, it’s in English, and roughly translates as: Get a large cup of tea down you, and you’ll be top of the morning, man. So, why couldn’t she have written as such, instead of putting my blood pressure at risk? I can only assume the friend likes to think of herself as “down with the kids, innit.” Either that or she is, in fact, a Welsh speaker who is struggling to come to terms with the English language. But I know that’s not true…well, the bit about her being a Welsh speaker, anyway.

  Anyway,  In future, I have decided have to answer all such messages using vowels only. So, the next time anyone sends me a message in text speak, they can expect a reply like this:     u o ou iieae iio.

 And if you’d like to decipher what it says, the missing consonants, in the order they are used, are: F, C, K, F, F, Y, L, L, T, R, T, D, T.

Hilarious, right?  I only have one thing to add:

Now the text speak above is not really so bothersome to me. What makes me want to scream is the substituting of letters instead of just typing the English word like ‘iz’ for ‘is!  ‘ F’ing REALLY????? 

Most people I know abbreviate to save time, so what is the significant  save time  in iz, or becuz, or dayz? It wouldn’t bother me if these brilliant hits came from teenagers but these are my FB friends who are the same age as I iz! F’ing Really????

I don’t like it when I get text from ‘old’ friends and it is full of U’s , 2’s, and R’s spell that isht out…oops, that slipped.


4 thoughts on “I H8 Text Speak

  1. I love this.
    I must say that I unfortunately have not only been on the receiving end of those who have mutilated the english language but I too am at fault for having fallen into what is obviously an injustice to all those who took the time to teach me and so many others the importance of “good speak”. This post is funny but also sadly it speaks volumes, truthfully there is no excuse for adults to assist youth in their ignorant attempts to slaughter their words. I am going to go back to the days when I always used complete sentences and only fell prey to the ocassional mis-spelled word or two…

    Lessons learned the funny way,



  2. Thanks Regine, he is such a funny guy and this rant, as many of his, had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. I’m almost afraid to type LOL


  3. I totally agree with you on this one. I try to text the way i would write a letter or email. I may abbreviate, but I’m not trying to confuse nor invent a new language. My 15 year old stepdaughter thinks it’s cool and all, but what are her grammatical skills going to resemble when she’s writing out her resume?

    I don’t mind slang amongst your friends, but at least use good grammar on the slang, yanahmean? 🙂

    Great post today!


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