In Search of Peace

Today I was one of the many who watched Whitney Houston’s funeral. It was beautiful and I cannot think of a more appropriate place to have her going home service than the church she grew up. Even though the church was filled with celebrities it still felt like a personal service for family and close friends. I thank the Houston family for allowing me to share in that wonderful service…in my own home.

I cried throughout as I listened to her friends, colleagues and family members relate their stories. Each speaker recalled the impact religion had on her life, it was all so touching. By the end I kept thinking for all her declarations of faith why was her heart and soul not at peace? All these years I’m sure she was praying and begging her Lord to give her peace but where was it? Why was she so lost?

I know the lost feeling she probably felt as she prayed, begging, for whatever it was she needed to make her soul whole. The loss we feel when, for whatever reason, we stray from the path we were born on, the path our parents guided us on as children, and the path we try to take root on as adults…but we can’t quite stay planted. I know that feeling and I know those prayers that brought me back to the path many times…as Whitney probably did. I did find solace. I never had to look for it in anything or anyone only myself. He gave me that.

It breaks my heart feeling like she didn’t find it. It seemed till the end she was still searching. Maybe her Lord answered her prayers, maybe there was more she had to do on her own to get the solace she sought. Maybe, maybe, maybe…


11 thoughts on “In Search of Peace

  1. I also wonder what was in her heart…I often wonder why people who bring us such joy and beauty can’t see the beauty within themselves and they self-destruct. It breaks my heart, too.
    I agree with Brian. This was a lovely post.


  2. My first read of your work. I was baited with this warning beside the link to your blog. “Watch out…read this one and she owns you”. Thank you morezennow for the suggestion.

    Shahidah, I would not use the word “own” to describe the outcome of reading your words but would use “drawn in” as in invited into a personal place. Thank you.



    1. Jim, she wrote this awesome blog about people who are owned by the people they speak out against. I think it was in January. It was hilarious and sooo true. I’m glad you checked Shahidah out.


  3. Very nice reflection. You know, I was very disturbed over her death. I don’t know why–when other celebrities died, like Michael, I was just matter-of-fact about it. But something about Whitney just touched me for whatever reason.


    1. Donna, I was distraught. I have loved Whitney Houston since I was sixteen years old. Loved every song. not every movie because I am one of the few who thought she didn’t do that crossover well but I would still go see her LOL I did cry about Michael but not on the same level. Whitney was my around the way girl…she was so like so many of us around the way. The way she spoke, the innocence, the eye roll, the smart mouth, the class and elegance…from the white house to the projects with ease of spirit. I hate that she felt so empty inside… so sad.
      Loved the funeral and such a great show of what a black funeral is like around the way! RIP Whitney


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