When Jeans Attack

This is a true story. The names have been deleted to protect the stupid.

This afternoon at North Providence High School a 17-year-old student was viciously attacked by his pants. The school is investigating but witnesses say that the young man was chasing another friends car in the school parking lot when his pants just dropped to his knees. Sending him face first onto the concrete, knocking out four front teeth. The man was wearing his pants in a sagging fashion, below the waist.

“I peeped the whole thing,” a witness said. “His pants just attacked dude for no reason. I have chem with dude and he’s a cool dude. I don’t mess with them jeans from Hollister, same thing happened to another dude I know.”

Attacks by sagging jeans has been on the rise since more young guys actually try to run with their jeans belted below the buttocks. See the picture above.

“I cost his mom $60, I come from a decent store. Where’s my respect?” The Hollister jeans yelled as they pulled back on the boys behind. “Why should I feel remorseful this a-hole didn’t even have on a belt. I didn’t really mean to make him lose teeth, cuz his mom and dad are nice and I know that it will cost them to fix this a-holes mouth. I’m supposed to be on the waist, is that too much to ask?”

PULL YOUR PANTS UP IDIOT

or this could be you

GOT INSURANCE?

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14 thoughts on “When Jeans Attack

  1. This really made my morning. I read this aloud to my kids. I am falling out laughing and crying at the same time because this is sad and happens everyday. As sad as this is, it’s so very true. I try to tell these young men that people who are going places in life don’t dress like this. Therefore, dress for where you’re going…okay, schools should really enforce a better dress policy as well. ~Shamenomore

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    1. The kid is a friend of my son. Happy to say my son does NOT sag his pants. The kid is going to have root canals and probably end up with veneers. We all know dental insurance is crap but imagine the bill if you didn’t have a portion paid. I know his parents are in grrrrrr moment

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      1. Seriously? I thought you were making it up! I wish I could stop laughing long enough to be empathetic to the parents but it’s too hilarious… I think you just broke my funny bone! I’ve known people who have broken their ankle in heels but this takes the cake! Not only does it look ridiculous but now it can be seen as a health hazard. I wonder how many other kids’ jeans have caused concussions, broken teeth, broken noses?

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      2. Dead serious. When my son told me I just had to write about it Four front teeth!!! I would be pissed. And why do guys chase after cars?????

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      3. Yeah…was he having a canine moment? I know guys can be dogs sometimes but c’mon!
        I would be pissed too. If my kid had this happen to him because of his fashion statement I would be crying…and he would pay me back every red cent. Man, I mean!

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      4. It reminded me of your vacuum attack. Imitation and flattery you know the story. I tried to inject my humor and yours.

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    1. Jabriel did have a headache last night and he could get the story out from laughing. So I think he laughed himself sick

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