I Panic Sometimes

The Woman Who Follows The Crowd Will Usually Go No Further Than The Crowd. The Woman Who Walks Alone Is Likely To Find Herself In Places She Has Never Been Before – Albert Einstein

I’m very good at walking alone. I never feel like I have to be in a relationship and I have to admit the idea of being in one  sometimes frightens me more than it gives me comfort. Issues? Maybe.  As I dip back into dating I also pull away from it.

Has anyone ever avoided discovering something new by going back to that something old?  An ex is an ex for a reason and I don’t believe the adage that the devil you know is better than the one you don’t know, especially when it comes to men.

As my first date neared with the One from the Elevator I got an email from my recent ex. It is not unusual to get an email from him or any of my exes really but it always makes me re-think my decision to end things.

The Ex: Boy, did he sweep me off my feet. I was introduced to him through a co-worker. His firm was hiring and I wanted to work for for a smaller company so my colleague thought we should meet for drinks.  We may have talked business for about twenty mins and three hours later we reluctantly called it a night. He isn’t the smooth guy but he is the fun guy. He treated me very well but the way he would go on about his ex-wife made me ill. I understand not liking an ex, I understand carrying a certain amount of bitterness, and I understand the hurt when that ex cheated and destroys  your marriage. But how long is too long to carry that baggage? I didn’t like how he could go from happy to angry at the mention of her name. It kind of made me nervous so I ended it but when he calls every once in awhile I think of how much fun we had…but those rants, I just can’t live with.

We are exes for that reason but I panicked about the prospect of finding someone else’s demons and went to dinner with him. Le sigh. It was comfortable, he was on his best behavior, and in the moment I felt he may have come to an understanding of how I felt about dealing with his ex-wife. Stupid, stupid, me.





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