Countdown To Election

Here we are folks just days away from a new president elect. Scary, isn’t it? I cannot wait till it is over and I hope with every cell in my body that Donald Trump experiences the most devastating loss in American politics.

I know many are trying to make this a three or four person race but it is not it is a two person race between race between the most racist disgusting human being on the planet Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

I have posted in the past how much Hillary has fallen out of favor with me. Not because of emails, which I think is another GOP hack because Bush administration destroyed 22 million emails and not one republican yelled boo about it, or because I think she is the most dishonest person on the planet. My dislike for her deemed from her run against POTUS in 2008. Like a lot of African-Americans I felt immediately protective of the first Black president to be. She seemed to graciously accept her defeat but her husband whom I still do not like has been throwing slick shade ever since.

I know many people believe they don’t trust or like Hillary but really think about where that comes from and that is from the disingenuous republican party. The same party who supported the birther controversy, the same party that had member stand up at a state of the union speech and call our president a liar, the same party that for eight years has blocked any and every bill that would help the country move out of the mess they created.

They slam her for her ambition…yeah, she is but since when is that a bad thing? I’m not going to do a whole Hillary spiel because for the last year I quoted  some of the sam republican spin. Yes, some things I have scratched my head on but do I believe she is a corrupt person, no I do not and never have.

I wanted a Bernie win but after the Convention I was with her, after listening to Donald for the last year and half I am happily with her.

hillary-and-the-pig

For well over thirty years the GOP have tried their damnedest to bring this one woman down and yet through their own investigations they have found nothing of any real substance to ‘pin’ on her. These are their investigations that have cost millions of dollars and yet she is the one suffering the bad reputation. Either she is the most brilliant criminal master mind or their accusations are based on nothing but revenge. I vote revenge.

The election season is ending but the fight for a progressive America is not ending. Voting is only part of the process for government and I think we all think after we do that part we should just wait to see what our officials do. We can’t do that. We have to hold Hillary accountable, we have to write our senators and state representatives, we have to demand more from our mayors and governors, voting is just the beginning of a new process.

Ask yourself will you have a better time convincing Hillary, Democratic Senate and House or trying to convince a racist like Trump and the entire GOP to do right by you.? Don’t believe their hype.

So, here we are folks the end of the road and on Wednesday we will have a new president elect. Please vote for Hillary. I don’t want to live in a Trump world and I’m sure many of you do not either.

vote

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On Black Money: Invest In Us

It’s the only thing America understands.

We’ve asked, we begged, we marched, we assimilated, we fought wars, we went to colleges, we invested in this country…but we didn’t invest in ourselves. We haven’t collectively built wealth in our communities and now its time to disinvest because it is the only thing America understands…

It is time for us to disinvest.

It is time to support our banks. Support our businesses. Support our communities.

We have consistently come together to support each other during these times of slaughter…yes, I said slaughter.  We cry together and we march together but we have not collectively taken our money out of this system that is corrupted against us.

Marching is part of the equation, a small part. Taking back our money and investing it in our businesses, our schools, and our communities is the bigger part of the equation. This message has been on repeat since Malcolm. To get America’s attention and demand change in this system set up to destroy us at will we have to exercise our economic power…and that is one thing we do have even if we don’t recognize it.

We spend billions of dollars in other businesses set up in our communities. We spend billions of dollars on clothes, jewelry and cars..it was only just two weekends ago Jesse Williams burned down the LA Coliseum with that message.

We can’t deny our own resilience, our strength, and our humanity. We are not weak or lazy, dumb or malicious. We can’t allow others to shape or change any of  that which makes us great but first we have to see it in ourselves. Second we have to STOP TRYING TO APPEASE OUR OPPRESSORS. We don’t need anyone to love us…we need to love ourselves, we need to fight for ourselves and we need to support one another.

We are on our way. Our voices are just as loud as they were in the 60’s. Our resolve grows stronger everyday. We are not letting the narrative be changed. We are not forgiving and praying for others strength…we are showing our strength.

I believe in the brotherhood of man, all men, but I don’t believe in brotherhood with anybody who doesn’t want brotherhood with me. I believe in treating people right, but I’m not going to waste my time trying to treat somebody right who doesn’t know how to return the treatment.
Malcolm X

Fuck the bullshit we are tired.

On Energy: Fighting the Negative

I, like a lot of folks, can be my own worse enemy. I am filled with self-doubt and uncertainty as I maneuver through my self-proclaimed mid-life crisis. It is negative energy that has a bio-chemical component to it. I notice it more when my body is preparing for my period. It is not every month but when it hits it hits hard. I am fortunate to know myself well enough to not give in totally to the wave of negative thoughts but it does not make the struggle less agonizing.

Last Thursday morning I felt its ugly trigger. It came in as it usually does picking a fear that I keep hidden within myself. This day it was my fear of being forever alone. I was looking through a friends  Instagram  who recently came back from a wonderful trip to Brazil with her significant other. She looked so happy as did he and I immediately felt that defeating feeling I would never have that again. The feeling that happiness would never be mine.

I.will.never.meet.anyone.like.that. I.will.never.be.pretty.enough.for.someone.to.love.me.like.that. I.will.never.be.happy.like.that…..

These thoughts swim in my head all day and by the evening I am in full mode depression.

I fight it. I try  very hard but the clouds get darker. I tell myself I won’t let a tear drop from my eyes because if I do it means I accept the negative thoughts as my prophecy. I look at my period calendar, I do this to assure myself that it is a premenstrual affect. I feel some relief because these feelings, this sadness is a biochemical reaction… my brain is not producing enough serotonin or are the receptors blocked? I am in a bad hormonal swing. Cogently I know this.

Amongst all the dark noises I try to speak to myself logically but I sink deeper into this abyss of sadness. I can’t stop myself. My mind shifts to my other fear. Fear of writing. you.will.never.be.a.legitmate.writer. there.are.millions.of.writers.how.do.you.think.you.compete. save.yourself.the.heartache. give.up.now.

Friday afternoon my father sends me flowers and chocolate covered strawberries with a note  “You are the best daughter. Happy Mother’s Day!” Oh my God I love him. I am not out of this cave but I’m reminded of being loved for me no matter what. He is my biggest cheerleader and it helps. I keep fighting the negative words and thoughts. I feel them in my gut now.

giphy3

Saturday I barely get off the couch. I can’t move, I don’t want to move. I fake the funk and function as best as I can. I speak to my mom on the phone. I cook. I smile. I play Operation with my little guy and kiss his little face most of the day but inside…inside I want to lie down and not wake up. I force myself not to give into tears.

I feel tired beyond normal energy loss but I fight it.

When my daughter was eleven and began her period I told her she would have days like this. Usually only a few days. I told her to pop in a good movie like Imitation of Life and cry it out.You just have to know it will pass. I wish I had added that if she ever got so afraid of that dark place to let me know because not every bad day passes.

I kept telling myself this will pass.

Sunday I sleep most of the day again but when I wake up at six I can feel the flip side of this starting to turn over. I grab my pen. It feels good to have it in my hand. I write a plan of the things I want to get done this week. Planning helps me focus as I have said many times. I’m still dealing with the inner doubt and I can hear the whispers in the back of my mind but my shouting fighting voice is getting stronger. It is passing.giphy4

I’ve spoken on my issues with depression here.  I have always had this hormonal side-effect of depression and now I think age may be a factor. This is my struggle however there are

“an awful lot of people in what ought to be the golden years of life dealing with dreadful sad and nervous moods and/or having sleep and energy difficulties, losing desire or pleasure in even basic things such as eating and being with others, dealing with increased aches and pains, and having awful thoughts about life and themselves(Psychology Today).”

If my symptoms were more than once a month and longer than three or four days I would be asking my PCP for something to control those crippling thoughts of unhappiness. Right now I can handle it.

As I get closer to a menopausal stage I wonder how these midlife changes will effect my thoughts and moods. I am being proactive and keeping my doctor in the loop as well. Biochemical changes and external life changes can alter my perceptions before I realize it so I make sure to ‘watch’ myself.

 

Stay well and seek happiness. You still have power.

A few articles to read:
Depression-National Institute of Mental Health
Can Exercise Cure Depression? Washington Post
Fighting Midlife Depression

 

 

On Politics: Make America Great, Again?

 

I’ve been avoiding politics on my blog for some time now. It is a toxic subject for me yet I watch political commentary, read political articles, and stay tapped in from the time I open my eyes and read the first post of the day on Crooks and Liars till I read the last post  when I close them at night. I have honestly been a political junkie since my third grade class and my teacher Mr. Cummings introduced me to the Boston Globe and their commentary section in a Current Events class.

Now, this election cycle is the most unique one for anyone’s lifetime. I consider myself a conservative liberal…more middle of the road and with a basic common sense approach to life and politics but lets be real basic common sense in politics is missing no matter what side of the aisle you sit. I believe in basic human rights, I believe in basic respect for all human lives and I believe no color, religious denomination, sexual orientation, or race is exempt from that. That is what I believe as a Black American citizen.

But America, in its greatness, has always exempted people because of color, religious denomination, sexual orientation and race. It has always been in politics… it has always been in our government perpetuated by our politicians and  our justice system however surreptitious it has always been exemption has always been a part of America. ALWAYS.

Now we hear some American’s want to make America great again. I’m all for it because my  ancestors tried to make America great when they fought for their basic human rights before and after slavery but were met with Jim Crow laws. They kept fighting to make America great when they fought in American wars and yet were snubbed when they got home. They still wanted to make America great again fighting for for basic civil rights in the sixties. And here we are in 2016 trying to make America great by exposing the inequalities of a bias judicial and economic system.

I’m all for making America great and fighting for the basic human right to live especially when I see so many injustice in place when unarmed black men and women are killed by police, when my children are not treated as well as others when they need care  in a hospital, or when based on my color and gender it is almost certain I will make less than my counterparts. So HELL YEAH I’m all for making America great -its the again part I have an issue with when I look in the faces of the people chanting this slogan line at rallies.

They don’t hold up hold up signs advocating for greatness. I see signs of the confederate flag and chants to throw people out of the country and to go back to Africa. I see signs banning people based on race and religion. There are no signs of inclusion only signs of exclusion. As a Black American woman I am ALL for greatness in America but it is clear that a lot Americans, more than I want to believe, only want that greatness to be about them, to secure their safety in the world, to be the great white America they believe is denied them because other humans are just asking for the same standards.I don’t hear inclusion for anyone in any of the speeches at these Make America Great, gatherings. I see absolute giddy enthusiasm to express their freedom to hate openly like the past days of American greatness. I watch these images in  horror because I see a history repeating itself and it is not great. It is not great at all.

 

Courtesy of Photo Bucket: Bobbo Sphere

Pictures New York Daily News

 

 

On Aging: Aging Well

I have a great-great aunt who turned 101 last week. At her birthday party she was dancing in her heels while a lot of the other women surrounded her in flats, she is in her element on the dance floor. I attended her 100th birthday and she was doing the same. She is aging fantastically and she is a  model for myself.

She is on several committees at her church, goes to Vegas every few months, and takes Zumba, yoga, and aerobics. You will never see her out the house unless she is done-hair done, clothes perfect and stylish, a pop of lipstick, a smile, great attitude and she is out!

#Livingwell

Getting older does not have to mean taking yourself out of the game but sometimes staying in the game is hard work.

It is easy as we get older to fall into a rut and being middle age most of us take a depression dip (read statistics here) but it is not permanent. Just a life transition we have to overcome.

KNOW THYSELF

I think I may  have said it on this blog a hundred times- know and understand where you are. I understand how external factors effect you internally. Understand how your internal thoughts effects your external and work from there.

I thought I would never go through a midlife crisis because I was relatively happy and satisfied with my life. I was wrong. I know I am in a midst of one right now and I have been actively working to to not let this stage be my forever.

Some mornings I wake up and I’m just confused about my life. Confused about my goals. Questioning my existence. In a mini-panic BUT I calm myself down because I know where the self-doubt, the angst, the questions are all coming from and I respond. I respond to those questions of doubt with self-affirmation and action.

GET UP GO HARD
image

I get up and I go hard. I do my best to make every day count. I put on something that reflects the best way to see myself not on how I’m feeling at that moment.

I look over my list of goals and get my brain in mind to tackle them.

I put the damn smile on and try to make that my attitude all day.

I do the things I need to do to get to the person I once was and the happy person who is still  waiting for me.

Even if I don’t live to be 101 I will live like my great-great aunt happy and dancing in heels…or flats but dancing #lifegoals

 

 

On Planning: Get Organized

My organizational skills are far from the greatest which is why I write everything down and try to keep my to-do list on a schedule. I do, however, let things get away from me now and then.

Example:

My filing game starts out strong with me putting all papers in their folders neatly tucked away by subject, date, and level of importance. My desk is in order with pens easy accessible, three-hole punch and stapler at my side, and printer clear of any objects other than the paper in the bin. My mind feels clear…my focus is sharp and my game is hella strong. I am getting shit done!

Then something flips or flops. I get distracted and my mind is not as sharp, I feel a bit out of focus and that’s the day instead of filing the necessary papers away I leave them on my desk with the intent that I will file them away later. But I don’t file away later I start to build a little stack of papers that don’t go to together- household bills, leasing agreements, school assignment etc. etc. etc.- all in one stack. Now I’m pissed because it will take twenty or more to go through the pile I created when I could have forced myself to file it the first go round.

Now I’m in papers-from-hell catch-up mode and that is never a good mode to be in because it’s a pain in the ass.

Organizing for me keeps me focused. If my desk is cluttered my mind feels cluttered and I can’t seem to get back to what I’m doing till there is a semblance of order.

I buy a lot of pretty things to ‘help’ me keep myself organized because I am a product junkie and when I have something new it does help me to focus for a bit. But those few days of pretty-product-bliss is not enough to keep me proactive in organizing myself …pretty things just feed the junkie in me so I stick with the basics ideas of organization.

  • I write things down-I make a schedule every week then rewrite it every night
  • I focus on what I need few mins in the morning
  • Things come up I try to be prepared
  • I make sure to have the proper tools to help me stay organized
    • a calendar/planner
    • file folders
    • proper desk accessories
  • I set up file folders on my computer to drop documents into so I don’t need a hard file

I am the person who consistently has to put effort into decluttering and organizing.

I know a few people who can live in their organized chaos but I can’t. I like to have order. Even if I’m not 100% strict to following it I always come back to the tasks that keep me organized. After I fall off the track I take the extra time to get back to the place I need to be.

Advice:

Everyday make a conscious effort to not only be focused on what you want to accomplish but also be aware of how you are keeping your focus organized. Things will slip up because life… but get back to it.

Staying organized is staying in control.

Inspiration

 

 

 

These pics satisfy all my product junkie issues yet still keep me focused. I can’t cure all my issues in a day 🙂

 

On Life: Transformations

Transitioning in life and life transformations are not one in the same and yet both can shake your identity and make you question your place in this space.

Transitioning from one phase of your life to another is part of your growth yet there are so many transitions we have little to no control over- marriage to divorce, empty nest, sudden unemployment, death of a parent, moving etc… With each of these we go through our level of depression and loss but we have to find our way to back to happiness and that is when we can allow ourselves to transform.

Turn your negatives into positives. I know, easier said than done but we have to do it.

Choosing transformation is making a conscious decision to choose happiness.

You can choose a small transformation:

  • change up your wardrobe
  • get that pixie cut
  • learn another language
  • lose five pounds
  • exercise
  • get your make-up done professionally for a night out

You can choose bigger transformations that require well thought out planning because planning in itself leads to gratification which leads us back to happy. Working and investing time in something brings us to challenge ourselves and goal accomplishments.

  • make that career change
  • write a business plan
  • go back to school/learn a skill
  • choose to be more outgoing
  • move out of state
  • write that book
  • write a financial plan
  • become a stylist

Be the person you are at your core and not the person people perceive you to be. Make your transformation about what makes you happy

So lovelies, have you gone through any transformations lately?