On Monday: Good Thoughts

This morning and throughout the day plot out your peace and stay there. Stay on your purpose and upgrade your conviction. All good things come to those who fight for it.




On Style: Get Ready For Autumn!

I don’t think about fashion much until my Essence magazine comes in the mail and every month I tell myself I want to start dressing like the spreads they have laid out in their pages. Don’t get me wrong I do dress well (not right at this moment however) but magazines always get me excited about the next season.

About five September magazines arrived yesterday and although I don’t want the summer to end their fall fashion preview has me very ready to slip into a black turtleneck, wool skirt, and a cool pair of leather booties.





On Planning: Alternate Routes

I make plans and I plan to plan all my plans and sometimes in doing so I miss an opportunity because it does not quite fit in the timing of my plan and I’m too nervous to deviate from the plan.

That is weak.

Putting on the crown.

I’ve been absent the last few weeks because I have been working on my novel. I’ve decided to self-publish and its a lot of work. I wanted to have it submitted the traditional way but after a year its not working out that way. I can’t not push it out there so I’m taking the alternative route. It wasn’t part of the plan but I’m grabbing up what I have and doing it anyway.

On Horror: The Hair Downstairs

I have not yet accepted that there are gray hairs in my temples. I’m forty-eight I guess I should expect them but it does not mean I accept them and because those little bastards are resilient as hell I dye them every four to five weeks. My daughter says I should just let it go its natural course. I said the same dumb shit to my mother at twenty-five so I just roll my eyes and keep it moving, her day will come. What I need is to find a hair dye that will last for more than three weeks because these gray hairs are dye-defying ninjas kicking colors ass and winning! #ridiculous

There are two gray ninjas making themselves comfortable in my eyebrows as I type. I swear I just plucked them out two days ago and yet here they sit again. I wish my money came back into my hands as fast and without effort.

I thought this was the worse it could get until last night when I found a little white hair down there.


I’d just stepped out shower and was drying myself off and saw it. I thought it was a piece of cat hair that got onto my towel. How disgusting. I don’t love my cat near enough to not care if I see some of his hair mixed up in my pubic hair of all damn places. I tried to grab it.


I wiped it with the other side of the towel.

OMG! It was still there. WTF???????



Emotionally I am just not ready for this. I mean it’s been a rough year already. I have been dealing with a lot of shit lately with this whole ageing, empty nest, career hell thing and now this. I sat on the edge of the tub looking between my legs like ‘wow this is happening, I have a gray pubic hair.’

I have NEVER thought about hair growing gray down there even after the gray eyebrow hair came in. I never heard any of my friends mention it. Gray pubic hair never came up in the many mother daughter talks I have with my mom who I speak to every day. I don’t recall reading about gray pubic hairs in the millions of copies of women magazines I own- well truth could be that maybe one mentioned it because there are a lot I haven’t flipped open they are just sitting on the side of my bed piled high waiting. Maybe I missed it. It doesn’t matter. I consciously never gave this a thought.


I don’t keep a forest down there but I’m not for the pre-adolescent look either. I’m a peach fuzz kinda girl with a nice line-up so this single gray wasn’t long like it had been hiding out for weeks.  It was new but seemed like maybe it was chilling out for awhile. How did I miss this? I just envisioned it popping on the scene yelling

‘Whaaaaat’s up?

And my other hairs greeting it like

‘Hey, I like that silver color man!”

No damn defense like it’s just cool to let gray strangers pop up on my damn vagina!

I wanted to yell at them-

‘WTF man??? Do you not pay attention to what I go through upstairs dying my hair every crescent moon because of these bastards! If you let one pop on the scene like a dandelion another will follow and then where would I be?’

I don’t know why I still give inanimate things life and have conversations like this I just do. Don’t judge.

I didn’t cry but I felt like it. I took out the little eyebrow tweezers and yanked that sucker out and I didn’t even wince.

Fuck that I whispered to myself. I’m not giving in to this either.

I called my mom this morning; I still do that for certain life emergencies. #dontjudge

‘Mom, I found a gray hair. I didn’t even know you could get those…I mean I guess I knew but I didn’t really know.”

She laughed, “yeah, they are not a big deal though. You may get ten or so but they don’t take over.”

‘Really? Its not like my whole area is going to be covered with gray hairs?’

‘Oh, heck no. Well, mine isn’t so I wouldn’t think yours would be.’

Omg! What a relief. Yes, I know my hair does not define me blah, blah, blah but thank you God!


And just like that the sun is shining again on my happy vagina.



On Kelly Ripa: Aint No Company Loyalty


I’m not a daytime talkshow fan and I really don’t like Live with Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan. I love Mike in a sports setting, he really shines and has good commentary. Live with Kelly and Michael seemed so contrived to me and I just never clicked with the two of them together. I find Kelly’s overly perky too damn hype personality on air to be a pain in the ass. She probably was none of that this morning though as she made her way back to show after her angry exit over Michael leaving without a heads up.

The divide was deep. #TeamKelly and #TeamMichael sides trading insults on twitter and other outlets because Kelly felt disrespected and she was.

She was disrespected and  has every right to be angry. She should be angry with her bosses who made the executive decision to keep her out of the loop while they made this backroom deal with Michael to go over to Good Morning America. She felt that after so many years, fifteen, with the show she deserved that much after all they were her second family…..screeeeeeeech….halt right there Kelly ,that is where you’re mistaken…very mistaken.

You and I know there is no real job loyalty. I have had great jobs and great managers what I have not had is employee loyalty from the big corporate companies I worked for. I have seen jobs of friends relocated to other states and countries with a months notice.

How many times have you been hired for a job to the line we are all like family here? How long did you believe it before some shit went down and you realized you could get kicked out the family without even a warning? How many times have you worked over time, came in early, missed a funeral because your work ‘family’ needed things done and that was priority  and happy to do it but only to get laid off while you read about the new CEO getting a ten million dollar bonus?

That’s the work family world we live in, the regular people but I guess its different for celebs with their name in the title of their own show. Well, their own show till the bosses, Disney this time, say otherwise. Now you know Kelly how your bosses really think. It is not about you its about them and what you can do for them till you are gone. I think Kelly is mad because for fifteen years she gave and gave to ABC and when it came time to give to her, other than that nice paycheck she receives, they gave to Michael.

Kelly, if you ever get a chance to move up and out you better do like Michael and take it and not think you might be hurting your work family because that loyalty thing….that aint real.

I was #TeamMichael for the simple fact that he didn’t fall into the hole Kelly got herself into. He was searching for a fit for him.  Fifteen years you were happy in your job maybe Mike should have gave you the heads up but I don’t really think ya’ll were close co-workers to begin with. Don’t be mad at him because you played yourself believing the hype Disney fed you. Negotiate a sweet deal for yourself next contract renewal or move on.

Welcome to the real world Kelly.


On Prince: Sexual Feelings

From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.
Bette Davis

I Wanna Be Your Lover.

I sat at my best friends Sheryl dinning room table listening to my first Prince song. Sheryl, like Prince was ahead of her time, will forever be his biggest fan. She was so into him. I liked the one song but couldn’t get into the rest of the album. I was conflicted about his messages and his sexual identity. He was not the Jacksons. He was so new and so different.

Prince shocked me with his brazenly sexual lyrics and when videos emerged on the scene almost a decade later he made my shock visual. My Muslim conservative upbringing forced me to shun him as most of my friends revered him. His behavior did not align with what I was being taught. Was he gay? Was he a pervert?  The way he strutted on the stage in tight pants, not really there shirt with ruffles, gyrating and singing He was just too much. Whoever he was he was he was too much and unapologetically who he was.

I pretended to like him until Purple Rain. I loved Purple Rain, the movie and the song. I respected his story. As someone who wanted to be a writer I respected that he wrote and his vision. I loved every song  on that album but at the time Darling Nikki was my favorite.

Darling Nikki…I replayed the scene of him singing it in the movie over and over in my head. How he strummed so much energy into that guitar. How he made me feel like I wanted to straddle that guitar in the most nasty way. It was such a huge experience. At sixteen Darling Nikki made it hard for me to want to keep my virginity. I just wanted to experience in real life what my imagination was making me feel alone in my bed at night under my covers. I thought a lot about sex listening to Prince but sex outside of marriage was not good sex.

Sex was about marriage and anything else was…well pretty sinful. Prince looked pretty sinful in my eyes but he looked awfully good too.

I struggled with his lyrics and image. Part of me was this conservative minded teen turned adult who believed anything sexual should be hidden behind closed doors and private…always private. The other part of me tussled for sexual freedom.  I wrestled with his interpretations but I respected his absolute belief and security in himself. I wanted that freedom to be sexual without guilt. I still do. 

He was a part of my awakening.

RIP Prince…You gave more than just music.





On Aging: Aging Well

I have a great-great aunt who turned 101 last week. At her birthday party she was dancing in her heels while a lot of the other women surrounded her in flats, she is in her element on the dance floor. I attended her 100th birthday and she was doing the same. She is aging fantastically and she is a  model for myself.

She is on several committees at her church, goes to Vegas every few months, and takes Zumba, yoga, and aerobics. You will never see her out the house unless she is done-hair done, clothes perfect and stylish, a pop of lipstick, a smile, great attitude and she is out!


Getting older does not have to mean taking yourself out of the game but sometimes staying in the game is hard work.

It is easy as we get older to fall into a rut and being middle age most of us take a depression dip (read statistics here) but it is not permanent. Just a life transition we have to overcome.


I think I may  have said it on this blog a hundred times- know and understand where you are. I understand how external factors effect you internally. Understand how your internal thoughts effects your external and work from there.

I thought I would never go through a midlife crisis because I was relatively happy and satisfied with my life. I was wrong. I know I am in a midst of one right now and I have been actively working to to not let this stage be my forever.

Some mornings I wake up and I’m just confused about my life. Confused about my goals. Questioning my existence. In a mini-panic BUT I calm myself down because I know where the self-doubt, the angst, the questions are all coming from and I respond. I respond to those questions of doubt with self-affirmation and action.


I get up and I go hard. I do my best to make every day count. I put on something that reflects the best way to see myself not on how I’m feeling at that moment.

I look over my list of goals and get my brain in mind to tackle them.

I put the damn smile on and try to make that my attitude all day.

I do the things I need to do to get to the person I once was and the happy person who is still  waiting for me.

Even if I don’t live to be 101 I will live like my great-great aunt happy and dancing in heels…or flats but dancing #lifegoals